I'm tired...physically, emotionally, and spiritually. This is my third week back at work and I'm worn out. I have fallen asleep several afternoons after getting home from work. I know that eventually, once I get back into the swing of getting up early, I won't be as physically tired anymore.
I'm not so confident about moving past being spiritually tired. About 2 weeks ago I was on the verge of a mini breakdown. The cause was an internal battle of the mind, emotions, and soul. I fought well. I wanted to fight, through the yuck in my heart, and the lies I was being told, and the emotions that made me feel like a crazy, unstable person. I fought for a solid week and it was not fun, but I've never felt so loved by my Heavenly Father...it was that sweet ache I talked about in one of my previous posts. The battle finally calmed and for the past 2 weeks, things seemed to be okay; until tonight. The same lies and emotions came charging at me again. This time, I don't want to fight. Right now it feels hopeless and never ending; my thinking is, "what's the point." I know in my head that it isn't hopeless and there is a point, but I desperately need this truth to make it the 18 or so inches down to my heart.
Why is this time so different from the last? Looking back over the past 2 weeks, the only difference is that before, I spent time preparing for the battle. I was spending consistent time in the Word and in prayer. Since school started, that hasn't been the case and I firmly believe that has been the difference.
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oh, if i could only go back and re-live the college years with the realization that "QT" and "TAWG" is all about expressing to God my desperation and need and that it has nothing to do with "doing something" that somehow pleases God. (truth is, I saw myself as neither desperate nor needy in college)
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