At some point in college, my friend Amy introduced me to the Indigo Girls and I've loved them ever since. They are who I listen to when I travel, when I need the comfort of familiar music, or when I just want to pretend I'm on stage entertaining an audience. I doubt these women are believers and I'm sure it's safe to say that we disagree on several theological, moral and political points, but more times than not, their words point me to Christ. I was listening to them on the way home today and the first few lines of a song I've sung many times to my make-believe audience, grabbed at my heart. So much so that tears came to my eyes and I started the song over just to hear their impact again.
"During the time of which I speak
it was hard to turn the other cheek
to the blows of insecurity...."
(Love's Recovery)
Those last three words give a great visual (at least for me) of how my insecurities have dealt with me lately; they've been beating me up. I've been reminded lately that I'm not alone in my fight against being insecure and that does bring some comfort, but only for a short while. I'm growing tired of fighting these same weaknesses over and over.
Here's the question that has been tossed around my mind the past week or so: how would my life be different if Christ really was all I wanted or needed? If I'm being honest, I really don't believe that He is enough, but I'm learning that being liked by others, or being included, or anything else I try to draw security from, isn't enough either.
Today at church we sang "your grace is enough, your grace is enough, your grace is enough for me". I can't honestly say that's the truth for me right now but it is my prayer.
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that has always been one of my favorites.
ReplyDeleteYeah Julie, that is one of those things that continues to boggle my mind too as I battle with that at times. I think ultimately it is because we are sinners, we are attracted to the things of this world and not to say that people in our lives or things we do or our want for approval is bad, but rather where we want that over how much we want God to be all of those things. There is something inside each of us that is wired differently so we don't necessarily all struggle with the same things, but the things you have brought about the last few post have been things that i feel are significant issues in many lives and with many people around us. Again, not a bad thing, because God promises that we will not be alone, not even in the struggles and in some ways, I actually get some relief or hope that comes from realizing there are others that struggle with some of the same things I do...this means to me that God is working, especially when it is not be concealed and is being exposed to the light. That is what God desires, for us to bring our sin into the light and ask Him to help us to repent of those sins. Struggle with the need for approval - got it, struggle with feeling left out because i wasn't invited to something - check mark, struggle with sometimes feeling uncomfortable with myself in mixed company - yep, that's me too, and I think one of your recent blogs mentions, so what do we do about it? I don't believe i have the answer to that, but maybe some insight that could help...and trust me, I'm only a work (if you want to call it that) in progress.
ReplyDeleteDuring these times, typically we feel an emotion of fear or intimidation that may lead us to think we just need to exit the situation, get of of there so you can just breath, but I call that a strike from evil attempting to once again keep you from being right where you're supposed to be. At this moment typically we feel the "flight" in us start cranking up, or maybe a more passive notion would be to just leave the room or basically leave the area or people that you are not comfortable being around. This is where it can all change, what I mean is this, that we capture those insecure and inferior thoughts that make us think that we are less than someone else, not as cool, or not as popular, not as good looking, pretty, handsome, whatever applies. Take those thoughts captive and ask God right there to answer those questions for you to you. He will and does answer those questions, He will tell you that by the Grace of His son Jesus Christ, you have and do bear the image of Christ Himself, who is there more pretty, popular, and perfect???? NO ONE! There is so much that plays into all of this and its all still a learning curve for me, that is for sure. I am compelled now to capture those thoughts and then take things to the next level and face that fear, whatever it may be. Face it head on and right there, basically what I mean by this is that I would engage or initiate coversation with someone there that typically would be unknowingly making me comfortable and just try to get to know them a little better, try to shed a little light on the mystery there is about that person. Heck I don't know if any of this makes any sense but maybe I can add more to it on my blog a little later. Be encouraged Julie, you are who you are and you are who God made you, who do I see? A beautiful, people-loving, Chistlike heart of love and compassion for others, that is just living life the best that anyone can. Press on Julie, join arms for war, and do not retreat. Go into that emotion, don't back down from it. Facing it right up front at first may not feel all that comfortable or easy and then it may even feel like you just exposed yourself when you finish, but later you will see the light of those conversations taking shape to unfold what is known as God's grace.
Julie, did you hear our pastor the other day when he said that worship is for the mind as well as the heart. We sing things because they are reality, not because we necessarily feel them to be true. That was pretty freeing for me and a new way to think about the hypocrite and liar I can so often feel like while I'm singing.
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