Blubbering Idiot

I'm a "feeler", not a "thinker." I will eventually get around to the thinking, but I'm going to feel things first. Lately, I've been doing more than my share of "feeling." Just ask anyone who has been around me the past few weeks; tears have become a regular part of my days. Who knew a person could experience so many different emotions at one time. Here are a couple of examples....

I don't do well with major life change. I have just gotten used to the fact the Shea and John Mark (JMP) are married. After almost 5 years, it's about time. Now, two of my dearest friends are having a baby; tomorrow, to be exact. I am so excited I can't stand it! Judah Griffin is a precious gift to Shea and JMP and my heart is bursting with joy for them. I cry just thinking about it (seriously, what is wrong with me?!). I can't wait to watch these two become parents. It's hard to forget the days when neither of them knew what to do with a baby, much less a new born. Oh, to be a fly on the wall in their home over the next several months. It's been a big weekend for the Patricks; along with the baby news, JMP graduated from seminary yesterday. While I really do rejoice with them over these two incredible milestones in their lives, I know that one day, sooner than I care to think about, they will be moving. No one knows exactly where to right now, or even when, but it's coming. The thought of that scares and saddens me greatly. I can't begin to imagine my life without the two of them. I know I'm jumping the gun on this a little bit, but I can't help but think about it.

This has been an incredible Christmas for me so far. Tuesday night's, Behold the Lamb of God by Andrew Peterson, was incredible! I haven't stopped listening to it since. The music walks us through God's plan of redemption from the beginning of the Old Testament to the birth of Christ. Before the foundation of the world, God ordained and orchestrated every moment in history to point to the coming Savior, Messiah, Redeemer. He came as a little baby, fully God, yet fully man, for the sole purpose of dying to save us from our sins. He was born to die! Without Christmas, there would be no Easter morning. As I've said before, I am completely overwhelmed by my Father's great love for me.

There is so much more that I could share right now but this is already too long and I don't want people thinking I'm a basket case so I'll stop here. If you ask how I am doing, don't be surprised if I just stare at you blankly. I probably don't know how to answer that question. Emotions are good things; we were created with them. But I've learned over the past years that my emotions don't dictate my reality. The reality is that God is in complete control over every aspect of my life and He WILL take care of me, even if it feels like everything is falling apart around me. Jill Phillips sings a song called "I Am" and the chorus is a great reminder of just who my Savior is.

Oh gently lay your head
Upon my chest
And I will comfort you like a mother while you rest
And the tide can change so fast
But I will stay
The same through past the same in future the same today

I am constant
I am near
I am peace that shatters all your secret fears
I am holy
I am wise
I’m the only one who knows your heart’s desires
Your heart’s desires

Oh weary tired and worn
Let out your sighs
Drop that heavy load you hold cause mine is light
And I know you through and through
There’s no need to hide
I want to show you love that is deep and high and wide

www.jillphillips.com/songs