Aren't They Precious?

In one of my earlier posts, from quite a while back, I mentioned that I'm really enjoying my school year so far. Here are just a few of the reasons why.





This is part of my favorite class. They are April Clayton's kindergarten class and they are precious! Just look at those faces. Who wouldn't love them? I wish you could meet them.

7 Hours Later (Well Almost)

Judah is here!
And he is precious!!!!!!!!
To see more photos, please visit Shea and John Marks blog.
There's a link over to the right.

Not Again

I went to a friend's house to watch Christmas Vacation tonight. It was so good to be around people and laugh. It wasn't long after the movie was over though, that I knew I had to leave. I was getting that feeling of an impending inner struggle. On the way home, while listening to Behold the Lamb of God, I began to think back over today's sermon and pray through those annoying emotions and insecurities. I knew that the insecurity brewing inside was only a symptom of a deeper issue and the more I thought about it, prayed about it, and talked it over with Whitney, the more obvious things became. That idol of acceptance and being included that I fought with several months ago, was/is back. Here's my question: how is it that I can struggle with this for a little while, then for a long while there is no struggle, and all of a sudden it's back? Whitney offered one explanation which I think might be pretty accurate. It could be that this idol is now fat and happy because it has been fed for the past several months. I've been accepted and included and therefore temporarily satisfied. Please don't misunderstand; I'm not being ostracized or ignored and people aren't being mean to me but a couple of relationships are changing slightly (and that's okay), leaving me scrambling for something to (melodramatically speaking) cling to. The bottom line is, once again, I am looking to humans to provide for me emotionally. To stroke my ego and reinforce my worth. I'm not trusting in Christ alone to meet those needs. I don't really believe that God will take care of me. Hebrews 2:13 "I will put my trust in him." I want to believe that He will meet my every need. Lord, help my unbelief. Right now, I'm just thankful that He is able to calm that struggle inside.

Blubbering Idiot

I'm a "feeler", not a "thinker." I will eventually get around to the thinking, but I'm going to feel things first. Lately, I've been doing more than my share of "feeling." Just ask anyone who has been around me the past few weeks; tears have become a regular part of my days. Who knew a person could experience so many different emotions at one time. Here are a couple of examples....

I don't do well with major life change. I have just gotten used to the fact the Shea and John Mark (JMP) are married. After almost 5 years, it's about time. Now, two of my dearest friends are having a baby; tomorrow, to be exact. I am so excited I can't stand it! Judah Griffin is a precious gift to Shea and JMP and my heart is bursting with joy for them. I cry just thinking about it (seriously, what is wrong with me?!). I can't wait to watch these two become parents. It's hard to forget the days when neither of them knew what to do with a baby, much less a new born. Oh, to be a fly on the wall in their home over the next several months. It's been a big weekend for the Patricks; along with the baby news, JMP graduated from seminary yesterday. While I really do rejoice with them over these two incredible milestones in their lives, I know that one day, sooner than I care to think about, they will be moving. No one knows exactly where to right now, or even when, but it's coming. The thought of that scares and saddens me greatly. I can't begin to imagine my life without the two of them. I know I'm jumping the gun on this a little bit, but I can't help but think about it.

This has been an incredible Christmas for me so far. Tuesday night's, Behold the Lamb of God by Andrew Peterson, was incredible! I haven't stopped listening to it since. The music walks us through God's plan of redemption from the beginning of the Old Testament to the birth of Christ. Before the foundation of the world, God ordained and orchestrated every moment in history to point to the coming Savior, Messiah, Redeemer. He came as a little baby, fully God, yet fully man, for the sole purpose of dying to save us from our sins. He was born to die! Without Christmas, there would be no Easter morning. As I've said before, I am completely overwhelmed by my Father's great love for me.

There is so much more that I could share right now but this is already too long and I don't want people thinking I'm a basket case so I'll stop here. If you ask how I am doing, don't be surprised if I just stare at you blankly. I probably don't know how to answer that question. Emotions are good things; we were created with them. But I've learned over the past years that my emotions don't dictate my reality. The reality is that God is in complete control over every aspect of my life and He WILL take care of me, even if it feels like everything is falling apart around me. Jill Phillips sings a song called "I Am" and the chorus is a great reminder of just who my Savior is.

Oh gently lay your head
Upon my chest
And I will comfort you like a mother while you rest
And the tide can change so fast
But I will stay
The same through past the same in future the same today

I am constant
I am near
I am peace that shatters all your secret fears
I am holy
I am wise
I’m the only one who knows your heart’s desires
Your heart’s desires

Oh weary tired and worn
Let out your sighs
Drop that heavy load you hold cause mine is light
And I know you through and through
There’s no need to hide
I want to show you love that is deep and high and wide

www.jillphillips.com/songs

My Theme

A friend asked me the other day if I was enjoying the Christmas season so far this year. I was able to answer immediately...YES! One phrase keeps coming back to me; "Emmanuel, God with us." I've heard that over and over for many years, but this year the meaning of it really hit home with me. God with us. The God of all creation came to earth to be with us. How much more loving and personal and intimate can you get? I am overcome with His great love for me!

Joy to the World

Mariah adds her own touches...you may or may not like them.


Joy to the world, the Lord is come!
Let earth receive her King;
Let every heart prepare Him room,
And Heaven and nature sing,
And Heaven and nature sing,
And Heaven, and Heaven, and nature sing.

Joy to the earth, the Savior reigns!
Let men their songs employ;
While fields and floods, rocks, hills and plains
Repeat the sounding joy,
Repeat the sounding joy,
Repeat, repeat, the sounding joy.

No more let sins and sorrows grow,
Nor thorns infest the ground;
He comes to make His blessings flow
Far as the curse is found,
Far as the curse is found,
Far as, far as, the curse is found.

He rules the world with truth and grace,
And makes the nations prove
The glories of His righteousness,
And wonders of His love,
And wonders of His love,
And wonders, wonders, of His love.

O Come All Ye Faithful

O come, all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant,
Oh come ye, O come ye to Bethlehem;
come and behold him, born the King of angels;
O come, let us adore him,
O come, let us adore him,
O come, let us adore him, Christ the Lord.

Sing, choirs of angels, sing in exultation,
sing, all ye citizens of heaven above;
glory to God, glory in the highest:
O come, let us adore him,
O come, let us adore him,
O come, let us adore him, Christ the Lord.

Yea, Lord, we greet thee, born this happy morning;
Jesus, to thee be glory given;
word of the Father, now in flesh appearing:
O come, let us adore him,
O come, let us adore him,
O come, let us adore him, Christ the Lord.

And It Was Good

I've read the creation story in Genesis many times, but last night I read it a little differently. I didn't just read the words, I tried to picture it as I went through each day. I know my small mind didn't do justice to what actually happened, but I was struck again by just how big my God is. He spoke it and it was and it was good.

Please Pray for Amanda

Update 11/24/07
Amanda is home with her mom. The mother of two of Amanda's friends told Stacey where she was...with her boyfriend. Thanks to those who prayed.

One of my best friends, Stacey Fischer, and her family are searching for Stacey's niece. Amanda ran away from home either late Monday night or early Tuesday morning. Please be in prayer for this family, that the Lord will keep Amanda safe and bring her home soon.

Photos of Amanda Anderson

O Holy Night

One of my favorite Christmas songs is O Holy Night. I've heard that, and other Christmas carols, for years and I can sing the songs without thinking about the lyrics. I'm sure I'm not the only one. The other night, as I was driving home from somewhere, O Holy Night came on and I actually listened to the words. It's amazing to me that at this time of year, people sing songs about the Saviour of the world and don't give it another thought. Next time you are listening to Magic 96, your reheasal cd, or your iPod, and one of these songs comes on, think about the words you are singing. Here is one of my favorite versions of O Holy Night.



O Holy Night

Oh holy night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of the dear Saviour's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
Till He appear'd and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!
Oh night divine, Oh night when Christ was born;
Oh night divine, Oh night, Oh night Divine.

Led by the light of Faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.
So led by light of a star sweetly gleaming,
Here come the wise men from Orient land.
The King of Kings lay thus in lowly manger;
In all our trials born to be our friend.

He knows our need, to our weakness is no stranger,
Behold your King! Before Him lowly bend!
Behold your King, Behold your King.

Truly He taught us to love one another;
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother;
And in His name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy name.

Christ is the Lord! O praise His Name forever,
His power and glory evermore proclaim.
His power and glory evermore proclaim.

Well, That Was Different

Dreams fascinate me. I love to hear people talk about their dreams and what they think they mean. I'm not really into dream interpretation, but I do believe that our dreams are often a representation of things going on in our lives. At least that's been true for my life.

I have had three reoccurring dreams throughout my life. The first one was during my childhood and is too weird to try to explain. The second one started in college when my grandfather got sick and I still have it some times. The third has only been part of my sleep for the past, probably 3-4 years. I'll try my best to explain it. The setting is never the same but the general idea of what I'm doing never changes...I'm running. At least I'm trying to run. I'm never running from anything or anyone, but toward something, and I never know what that something is. When I say I'm trying to run, what I mean is, I'm not running very well. My feet and legs don't work properly, I'm not getting very far or running very fast, and it's very laborious. As I watch myself try to run in my dream, I get frustrated and begin thinking that I'll never get to where I'm supposed to be going.

Last nights dream was different. I was still running, and like the other dreams, I have no idea why. But as I was doing so, I remember coaching myself to help me run faster, and it worked. In this dream, I ran fast, my feet and legs did exactly what they were supposed to do, and I actually got to my destination.

I don't want to read too much into this, after all, it was just a dream, but I have thought about this all day and really wonder why, all of a sudden, I was able to run and run well.

Farewell to Shadowlands

I love the Chronicles of Narnia series by C.S. Lewis. The final book of the series "The Last Battle," paints an incredible picture of Heaven. Bob used the following excerpts in his sermon today.

"It was the Unicorn who summed up what everyone was feeling. He stamped his right fore hoof on the ground and neighed, and then cried: 'I have come home at last! This is the land I have been looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now. The reason why we loved the old Narnia is that it sometimes looked a little like this.'"

"The term is over: the holidays have begun. The dream is ended: this is the morning."

"And as [Aslan] spoke He no longer looked to them like a lion; but the things that began to happen after that were so great and beautiful that I cannot write them. And for us this is the end of all the stories, and we can most truly say that they all lived happily ever after. But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on for ever: in which every chapter is better than the one before."

Mine's Broken

I'm reminded more and more every day just how broken our world truly is. Children are facing death because they can no longer fight with the cancer that is literally taking over their little bodies. Adults take in orphaned or abandoned children, not because they want to care, provide for and love them, but because they will get a measly little check every month. People I love are going through dark, seemingly hopeless times in their lives and are quickly losing the ability to believe it will ever get better. Believers who were once rock solid are now questioning their salvation. I could go on but I'm sure you have your own examples.

By nature, I'm a "fixer". I want to make things better for people; cheer them up; offer them hope. But what I'm learning as I watch so many people I care about go through such poo, is that I can't fix them. And even if I could, it's not up to me to fix their situations. For some reason, this is where the Lord has them for now. Each time I move into "fix it" mode, the Lord gently pulls me back and reminds me that ALL I need to do is love them, pray for them and continue to speak truth to them. He will take care of the rest.

I didn't hear a lot of what Bob said this morning at church. My mind and my heart were on other situations. But one thing I did hear, repeatedly, is that we are exiles here on earth; this is NOT our home. And while we are here, we will suffer and life will suck at times, but this should point our hearts to our true home, with Christ, in Heaven. And there, Jesus will be all we want, not just all we need, our affections won't be divided, we won't despair over sin, hope will be fulfilled, bodies will be made whole again, and people we love will no longer struggle.

Oh how I long for that day.

It's Beginning to Look a lot Like...

CHRISTMAS!!!!!!! I'm so excited about the Christmas season! I've been listening to Christmas music for a few weeks now, thanks to 2 of my friends who started talking about it and singing it even before then. I've changed my music to reflect the season; hope you enjoy!

Highly Recommend

I went to see "Martian Child" tonight with some friends. It far exceeded my expectations and there was a clear gospel message in the end. I HIGHLY recommend anyone see this movie. I look for Bob to use clips from it in the near future.

I also recommend that you take tissue with you. You would have to be dead inside to not cry!

Where Did That Come From?

This is going to be so random, but here goes anyway. Two things were on my mind most of the day: foster children and sporks. I know, the two are completely on opposite ends of the importance continuum but that's how my brain works sometimes.

Foster Children: We have A LOT of foster children in our school. What's up with that? Why is it that some parents can't seem to take care of and do right by their children? For the life of me, I don't understand! If I think about it for too long, it makes me angry. I've considered becoming a foster parent on more than one occasion but I don't think my roommate would like that very much. So, if I can't become a foster parent right now, what can I do? Any thoughts?

Sporks: That's all they use in the lunchroom at school. Who in the world came up with the idea to combine a fork and a spoon? I know some people think they are wonderful but lets be honest, they don't serve either purpose well.

So there you have it...my big thoughts for the day.

Not So Bad

Here are a few of my so many wonderful friends who helped me celebrate my birthday.


Jason, Shea, Cammie, Laura, Jennifer and Claire


Ashton, the other birthday girl, Cameron, Carrie, and Selena


Susan, Megan, John Ed


Sarah, Josie, Brandon, Rebecca, and Jeremy


Cameron, Cammie and Elisabeth

There were others there that I don't have photos of and there were a few who weren't able to make it but were really missed (you know who you are...yes, I'm talking about you)! Thank you all for helping make my birthday special!

You're Growing Old

This has been an emotional week for me. The week before my birthday always is. I'll be 38 years old tomorrow and I have mixed emotions about that. It doesn't really matter how I feel about it, though; it's going to happen anyway. I usually become nostalgic and sentimental around my birthday as well. It is very easy for me to look at all the things that I don't have in my life. Let's face it, if I were in control (and thank God, I'm not), my life would probably look a lot differently; a lot of the things I dreamed about when I was younger just haven't happened according to my plan. But this year, only by God's grace, I want to celebrate all the wonderful things in my life. Here are just a few:

1. my incredible parents (and I'm not just writing this because my mom reads my blog);
2. my so so many wonderful friends (I could list you each individually but I would leave someone out and I don't want to do that);
3. OMPC (I don't understand how anyone could go anywhere else);
4. the singles at OMPC;
5. my job (I work with some really fun people);
6. my roommate and her house;
7. the students I work with (most of them);
8. that I have had the privilege of living 38 years;
9. The Lord is still working in my life;
10. I live in a country where I have the freedom to basically do as I please and worship the living God.

Thank you Lord, for another year of life. And thank you to my friends and family for loving me and pointing me to Christ; I love you all dearly!

Don't Stand So Close to Me!

Why is it that some people have no concept of personal space? I went to the post office today to pick up a parcel they were holding for me. The line was pretty long so I took my place and began to wait. Not long after I arrived, a man came in and got in line behind me. I didn't think anything about it until I got restless and started looking around. When I turned so I could see behind me, the man was a mere inches from me. He was oblivious. I took a few discrete steps forward and it wasn't 5 seconds before he closed the gap. This went on for the next 3-4 minutes until I was called to the counter. That was the longest few minutes I've experienced in a while. Any longer and I would have had to make a sarcastic comment under my breath. Unless I know you, please remain outside of my personal space.

I'm over it now.

Some Good News

Jonathan's MRI showed that his brain tumor has been reduced slightly so they are going to keep him on the trial medicine for now. Just wanted to update you.

Glory Days

I did something today that I haven't done since 5th grade; I played newcomb. Since you asked, newcomb is the elementary version of volleyball where you catch the ball and throw it over instead of hitting it. We had a couple of faculty/student games as practice for our newcomb team. I have to say, I did pretty well. I served twice and got it over the net one of those times, and I caught the ball every time it came to me. It was a lot of fun and it is quite hilarious to hear all the students chanting your name. We won two and lost two.

I got to see Jonathan Ferguson today. He is the 5th grader who has a brain tumor. He has always wanted to ride in a Hummer limo and so the teachers all pitched in and rented him one. His mom invited several of his friends and the limo showed up after school to take them all to Pizza Hut. He was so surprised! Jonathan is currently in a medical trial and goes Monday for an MRI to see if it is working. I've been told that if the MRI shows that the tumor has grown 20% or more, he will be taken out of the study. At this point this trial is the only medical option for him. Please pray for him and his family and for his MRI on Monday.

Hope you are enjoying the day...it's WONDERFUL outside!

The Green Starbucks Apron

I have a new routine. After school, I drive over to the Starbucks on 280, order a grande passion tea lemonade, sweetened with 2 Splenda, and sit outside while reading my many books for class. I love it! Every once in a while I have company and that's great too. I got some reading done today but what I enjoyed most (besides the company) was the weather. It was a glorious day! The sun was out and the air was a little chilly. I love the change in weather. I hope you were able to enjoy it in some way.

I was talking to my friend Whitney about blogging today. If you haven't read her blog, there's a link to it over to the right. You should go there and read a few of her posts; they are hilarious. Go ahead and bookmark her page; you'll want to be a repeat visitor. Anyway, we got to talking about the difference in our blogs. She has the best sense of humor and could honestly blog about anything (for example, boiled eggs) and it would be funny. My blog, on the other hand is quite the opposite. I'm not a very good story teller, and what seems funny in my mind, often isn't so when it moves from my mind to spoken or written word. And that's okay. I know that about myself, and for the most part, I am okay with it. I say all of that to say this: I want to post about the lighter side of life as well. We'll see what I come up with.

I hear tomorrow is supposed to be just as nice as today, so enjoy!

Theology 101(2)

My theology class is tonight and I'm afraid I haven't been a good student this week. I haven't opened a single book since last Tuesday night. I could make excuses but the truth is, time just got away from me. I hate that because I'm really enjoying this class. We talk about some deep stuff and I'm not able to wrap my mind around all of it, but it's so very humbling. I want to take some time and think about what all this means for my life on a personal and practical level.

One thing, in particular, keeps resonating with me: I am greatly loved by my Heavenly Father. I've known that for the majority of my life. Until pretty recently, when I heard people talk about how much God loves me, my thought was, "of course He does, that's His job; He's supposed to love me." I'm pretty sure that line of thinking has kept me from really understanding just how much He does love me. Last week, while doing the required reading for class, I caught more of a glimpse of my Father's great love. Here's what I read:

Those of mankind that are predestinated unto life, God, before the foundation of the world was laid, according to His eternal and immutable purpose, and the secret counsel and good pleasure of His will, hath chosen, in Christ, unto everlasting glory, out of His mere free grace and love, without any foresight of faith, or good works, or perseverance in either of them, or any other thing in the creature, as conditions, or causes moving Him thereunto: and all to the praise of His glorious grace.
(Westminster Confession of Faith, chapter 3, number 5; Scripture proof texts: Eph. 1:4,9,11, Rom. 8:30, 2 Tim. 1:9, 1 Thess. 5:9, Rom. 9:11,13,16, Eph. 1:6,12)

I know that predestination and election are controversial topics among many people. That isn't the primary point here. The point is, God chose me, before the foundation of the world, to be His daughter, and it wasn't based on Him knowing that I would choose Him (would I really have, anyway?) or on anything good in me (apart from Christ there is no good in me). For some reason, He chose me. WOW!!! How humbling and how awesome! I am greatly loved!

Theology 101

I am loving the theology class I'm taking. I really want to blog about it but my mind is mush and I'm exhausted. I'll have to do this later.

Good Times

In case you were wondering, we went to the Farmer's Market today. I've never been to the Farmer's Market before, but today I went and was witness to the purchase of 50 pumpkins and 75 mums. Now I can say I've been to the Farmer's Market.

I had several of the ladies from the single's group over tonight. We just ate dinner, drank some margaritas, and hung out. I love cooking for people. Why don't I do it more often?

A couple of us watched "Knocked Up" later tonight. It was way too crude for my liking. I don't recommend it at all.

It was a really good day!

Days Like Today

If I'm being honest, I love my job. It's never the same thing two days in a row. Some days I'm in classes all day. Some days I'm in meetings or seeing students or helping write a report or...the list goes on and on. Today, however, was a first for me. Without boring you with the details, my boss is on a stress relief/heart health plan and has decided that we all need to be on it with him. Yesterday, he made us close the office and walk the track for 15 minutes. Today, we painted! Our 5th graders are at Camp Cosby and our K, 1st, and 2nd graders went to Children's Theatre. Needless to say, it was very quiet around school today. Our Assistant Principal brought a canvas, paint and brushes and our art teacher came down and instructed us on painting a picture we found on the internet. We had our own version of Sips N Strokes, but without the sips part. It was a very stress-free day today.


Here is the picture we painted. Did I mention it was a group effort?

Apocalypse Now?

Our pastor has been preaching through Daniel lately. The past two weeks (and next week as well) have been about the end times and properly interpreting scripture as related to end time prophesy. It has been really interesting and thought provoking. I don't know about you, but growing up, I never wanted to discuss or hear about the rapture, the tribulation, the mark of the beast or anything else my church believed would happen at the end of our time here on Earth; it was all too hard to understand and too scary. Maybe it's because I'm older, or maybe it's because my relationship with the Lord is growing and I'm learning more about scripture, but these things don't really scare me any more. I'm actually beginning to see the hope in all of it.

Let's see if I can nutshell this.... I've learned lately that one of the things you have to consider when interpreting scripture is the genre in which it was written. Part of Daniel is apocalyptic. Until today, that word has had dreadful connotations. However, I learned today that, for the Christian, it actually gives hope. It reveals the ultimate defeat of evil and the final victory of Christ. It's purpose is to minister to those who are suffering. It is a reminder that God is not unaware of the pain we are suffering or the evil we are facing; He is still in control.

Then why, some ask, does He allow people to suffer? I don't know the answer to that. What I do know is this: My relationship with the Lord has grown most during those times when I felt like I was suffering. The following song came to mind as Bob was preaching, and then a friend was singing it later this afternoon. I'm not sure I'm to the point of asking the Lord to send pain but I definitely understand where the author is coming from.



Bring The Rain
MercyMe

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray

Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty

WWJD

Did you ever wear one of those WWJD bracelets? I didn't. I also didn't read the Prayer of Jabez or The Purpose Driven Life. It seemed, to me, that wearing the bracelet was more of a fad than an actual reminder to think about how Jesus would act in certain situations. Over the past several days, and even more so last night and today, I've found myself asking this question.


I've been trying to figure out how to handle a situation. It's one of those things where someone hurt my feelings and instead of dealing with it, I reacted with sarcasm and meanness. I've done this my entire life but now I'm 37 so perhaps I should grow up a little. I truly was, and still am, repentant of my attitude. Only now, I've found out that comments were made about me to others and my flesh is angry. My initial thought is "screw this, I'm done," but the Holy Spirit continues to work in my heart, prompting me to think about the love of Christ (WWJD). I'm so thankful that Jesus doesn't have that attitude toward me. Who am I to hold a grudge against someone for something so insignificant when I have been forgiven of so much?


I guess I am growing up a little. In the past, I would have written off this person and been angry, bitter, and hurt for quite a while. Now, through the work of the Holy Spirit, I don't want to be angry or bitter or hurt. I want to love this person as Christ loves me. My prayer is that the Lord would enable me to put aside the hurt feelings and point this person to Christ. I also pray that they would be able to do the same with me.

I Should Be Ashamed

I spent the first two days of this week having an intimate little pity party. I won't bore you with the reasons, and looking back, I'm really ashamed that I got upset over such trivial things. Wednesday, the Lord decided to show me just what a brat I was being. One of my students (we'll call her Kara) came to my office that morning because she was upset about her mom. She is in the 4th grade which means she is probably around 10 years old. I've known this girl for 4 years and had no idea her life was in such turmoil. Her mom has been in a nursing home for 8 years with MS. They had to put her there because the father has to work and can't take care of her during the day. Kara was upset this week because her mom was not alert when she went to visit her this past weekend. Kara talked about her mom's illness and knowing that her mom would probably die soon. After a little more time of me just listening to her and offering what few words I could find, she wanted to go back to class. As she walked out of my office, my eyes filled with tears. I have no reason to feel sorry for myself. I was informed today that her mom passed away either last night or this morning.

Last year, one of our 4th graders was diagnosed with a brain tumor. He underwent treatment and responded beautifully; the tumor disappeared. Jonathan resumed a fairly normal 11 year old life and was able to start the 5th grade only a week or so after his classmates. He went Wednesday for a routine CAT scan and they found out that the tumor is back. This was completely unexpected and has hit his family pretty hard. They are Christians but I know they have to be battling with wondering why.

I know that we all have our own emotional and physical battles. While most are not as traumatic as a 10 year old girl losing her mom or an 11 year old finding out his brain tumor is back, they are still "big" in our own eyes. But things like this tend to put life into perspective. I'm sure it won't be long before I'm feeling sorry for myself again about something insignificant, but my prayer is that I would spend more time being thankful for what I do have and less time pitying myself for what I think is missing in my life.

Please pray for Kara, Jonathan, and their families.

Brunette's Are Something

A friend of mine emailed me this video today and it made my day! I didn't get to watch it until after school was over but I delayed leaving for the day so that others I work with could enjoy it with me. My friend Whitney added this to her blog as well and said that now she wants to memorize it. I couldn't agree more! I can't believe this guy had to resort to video dating. If anyone knows who he is and whether or not he is still single, please let me know. Better yet, give him my number.

Comin' Out of the Woods

(It's been over a week since I've blogged and I'm feeling the pressure. It has become part of my daily routine to check my email, peruse Facebook, and then check my list of blogs to see who has posted an update. I got home from the beach last night about 8:30 and went straight to my computer (how sad). The first update I found was from my roommate, begging for someone to post something new. When I got home from work today, I promised her that I would give her something new to read while she was at work. I just got an email from her asking why I haven't made good on my promise yet.)

I went to Destin, FL this weekend. What started out as two girls wanting to go to the beach for the weekend turned into so much more. We ended up renting 2 houses so that all 20 of us could have a place to put our stuff and lay our heads at night. It was a really fun weekend!

It all started Friday morning about 5:00 am. For some reason, 4 of us were determined to get to the beach as soon as possible. One benefit to leaving so early is that we didn't run into any traffic. On the way, I was introduced to a new singer, Zac Brown. I must have heard his song Chicken Fried (as well as Sic 'em on a Chicken) at least 50 times through out the whole weekend and I'm still not tired of it. I was actually inspired to download one of his albums. Love it! Here is a video of him singing Chicken Fried. Visit his website to hear more of his music.

Probably the funniest part of the weekend was learning a new dance. Sunday night, after dinner, most of us met at Cafe 331 to do a little dancing. I don't remember the song that we were all dancing to, but it was one of those Cha-Cha Slide-type songs that has a dance to go with it (if you remember the song, please let me know). A couple of girls in our group started the dance and pretty soon, everyone in the place was trying to follow along. It occurred to me that someone could just start doing the same steps over and over, and people would probably join in eventually. It only took 3-4 minutes for our two ADHD members to come up with their own dance moves. They were all too enthusiastic to unveil them during the next song. Of course we all went along with it and it worked; before the song was over, several others were trying to join in. Did anyone catch the name of that dance?

Random Thoughts

There is so much going through my head right now. Since this is available for public viewing, I have to be careful how I word some of these things, which is almost impossible since I don't know what words to use to begin with. I think I'll just list them even though they aren't so organized in my mind.

1. What is it about book stores? I love going to book stores and just walking around and looking at the titles. I know this is weird, but there is something (not sure what word to put here) about being in a book store. I stopped by Barnes n Noble on my way home from church today. I could have stayed there a couple of hours, but I knew I would have bought something so I made myself leave.

2. What do you do when you find out disturbing news about a friend? Obviously I learned some (let's call it) interesting facts about a friend of mine just now and I don't really know what, if anything, to do about it. I don't even know how to process the information. I just can't reconcile this with other things I believed to be true about my friend. All I can do is pray.

3. Today is Collin's birthday and I just got off the phone with him. I hope he is having a good day, in his new town, with his new friends.

4. I miss Uganda and the people. I've been looking through the photos of others who were there at the same time I was and I've come to realize that a part of my heart (more so than I thought) was left there.

(Tyler Wellman took these photos. I love them. I hope he doesn't mind me using them.)

5. God has blessed me with some wonderful friends. The fun thing is that they are all different and all in different stages of life. Two in particular have been on my mind lately/today. My best friend is going to have a baby in December and I can't wait! I get teary-eyed every time I think about her and the whole situation. I immediately move to laughter at the thought of her being a mom. I can't wait to see that! I have another friend who has been in a funk lately and that has been hard to watch. I'm a fixer by nature but it was clear from the beginning of the funk that there was nothing I could/should do to help fix this. So I pray for my friend and for me that I would know how to love this person through it.

6. I'm really excited about tonight. Our church is having a special time for those who went on short-term mission trips this summer, to share about their experiences. I'm excited because I'll get to see my teammates, see pictures from the trip (like I haven't seen at least 1000 of them), and I'll get to hear what the Lord did, and is continuing to do, in the lives of all who took part.

7. Finally, (this isn't the last thing running through my mind, but it's all I'm going to write about right now) I'm trying to decide what to do with the remaining 1 1/2 hours until I have to be back at church. The choices: nap, watch the original Hairspray, or clean my room. I think I'll watch the movie and I'm thinking I'll probably fall asleep.

In the Morning

...Things always look better in the morning. Nothing has really changed since last night except that God and I talked it out a little and that has helped.

Needing Rest

I'm tired...physically, emotionally, and spiritually. This is my third week back at work and I'm worn out. I have fallen asleep several afternoons after getting home from work. I know that eventually, once I get back into the swing of getting up early, I won't be as physically tired anymore.

I'm not so confident about moving past being spiritually tired. About 2 weeks ago I was on the verge of a mini breakdown. The cause was an internal battle of the mind, emotions, and soul. I fought well. I wanted to fight, through the yuck in my heart, and the lies I was being told, and the emotions that made me feel like a crazy, unstable person. I fought for a solid week and it was not fun, but I've never felt so loved by my Heavenly Father...it was that sweet ache I talked about in one of my previous posts. The battle finally calmed and for the past 2 weeks, things seemed to be okay; until tonight. The same lies and emotions came charging at me again. This time, I don't want to fight. Right now it feels hopeless and never ending; my thinking is, "what's the point." I know in my head that it isn't hopeless and there is a point, but I desperately need this truth to make it the 18 or so inches down to my heart.

Why is this time so different from the last? Looking back over the past 2 weeks, the only difference is that before, I spent time preparing for the battle. I was spending consistent time in the Word and in prayer. Since school started, that hasn't been the case and I firmly believe that has been the difference.

The Lies We Believe

I have a problem; I don't want to miss out on things. I will run myself ragged doing things simply because I think I will miss something if I don't. I've had this problem as long as I can remember, but now it's beginning to take its toll on me. I'm not sure what name you would give it, but I'm pretty sure it has become an idol in my life. Hanging out with friends, facebook, texting, email...they are all things I look to to feel included, accepted, and loved. The irony is that I often find myself doing or saying something that makes me feel completely stupid. The Lord has been talking to me about this for a few weeks now but I've been pushing it aside; maybe it's time I start listening.

The second point from Bob's sermon Sunday was "Unmask the idols of your Heart." Our idols will tell us lies in order to keep us from exposing them. One of those lies is that if I say no to my idol, I will be all alone, Christ won't show up, and He won't be sufficient for me. Basically, my idols mock Christ's sufficiency. Another lie is that it will feel like death, or I will be miserable, if I say no to my idol/s. I am promised that I will actually become more alive and more free than ever before but I'm not sure I really believe that one yet.

Tonight, I decided to take the first step in unmasking that idol I mentioned earlier. Well, that's not exactly true. I wish I could say that I made that decision, but I was so worn out that I just couldn't bring myself to take part in the plans for the night. You know what? I survived! It didn't kill me and I actually enjoyed it (I think it helped that my roommate was home). It wasn't an exciting night, but it was a good one. I watched Big Brother, read my Bible and Steph and I went to Publix.

Here is one of the verses that I read tonight: "The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply." Ps. 16:4

I guess God is serious about us not having other gods before Him, and He is faithful to show us those things which we do place before Him. The bottom line is that Christ is all I need, anything else is just icing. I wish it were as easy to believe as it is to say. This advise is for me and for my friend who is still looking for the hope in all of this: continue preaching His promises to yourself and being obedient, and eventually the head knowledge will turn to heart knowledge.

Repent, Believe and FIGHT!

What's So Great About Nashville?

Seriously, I want to know!

American Idols - Season 2

Bob finished his American Idols sermons today. As thought-provoking and challenging as last week was, it would have been easy to walk away feeling condemned or hopeless. A friend, talking about today's sermon, asked if we would be given hope today. The answer? Yes! Just as he always does, Bob brought us back to the Gospel in American Idols - Season 2. The Gospel isn't just the power of God for salvation, it is also the power of God to free us from the idols that would destroy us. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is our ONLY hope. Because of Christ, God looks kindly and favorably toward us, no matter what! It gives us the power to say "no" to our idols, as well as encourage others to say "no." Believing this makes it okay to ask the hard questions:

• "What is my greatest nightmare/what do I worry about most?"
  
• "What do I rely on or comfort myself with when things go bad or get difficult?"
  
• "What preoccupies me?"
  
• "What unanswered prayer would make me seriously think about turning away from God?"
• "What makes me feel the most self-worth/what am I most proud of?"
  
• "What do I really want and expect out of life/what do I think would really make me happy?"

These questions are very overwhelming and that's okay. We need to look at our sin and even ask our Father to show it to us, however (I'm reminded), for every glance we take at our sin, we need to gaze upon the cross 10 times more. "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1

As I was typing this, the following song came on my iTunes:

Just the Way I Am
Words and Music by Mike Weaver
... God’s “I love you” was signed, sealed, and delivered to us when Jesus died on the cross.
There’s nothing we can do to affect His end of the deal!
Now our “I love you” back is learning to simply trust and obey.

Unbelievable, I’m blown away it’s true
By the matchless love that I’ve found in You
Undeniable, the change in me
I’ve never felt so free
It makes me want to dance
You make me want to dance
When I think about how
You love me, You love me
You love me just the way I am
You love me, You love me
You love me just the way,
Just the way I am
Ever patiently accepting me
You love in spite of everything I do
But oh so faithfully
You’re committed to the process that makes me like You
And I feel like I can dance
Oh You make me want to dance
When I think about how
Not when I’m good enough
Not when I clean my act up
Not when I cross that line the thousandth time
And become a better man
Your grace is more than enough
To cover all my sins You washed them away
So right here today
You love me just the way I am

Run to the cross, and dance!

Eleven More Years

Today was the first day of school for students. Just in case some random person is reading this, I am starting my 5th year as one of the school counselors at Pleasant Grove Elementary. One of my co-workers and I were adding it up today, and this is my 14th year in education. That is so bizarre to me, but what is even more crazy is that I can retire from education in 11 years (not counting this year). I'm not sure how to feel about this. Part of me is thinking, "woohoo! that's awesome!" But another part of me is a little weirded out by the fact that I COULD RETIRE IN 11 YEARS. Oh my! I'm not old enough to be that close to retirement. Granted, I won't even be 50 at that point in my life, but still.... I mean, I don't have as much time left to work as I have already worked (does this sentence even make sense?).

I have not been very excited about this year. Before becoming a counselor, I taught 7 years at the high school level. Being with elementary age children for the past 6 years has gotten old. Kindergarteners are cute, but don't put me in a room with 18 of them, for 45 minutes, by myself; it's almost more than I can handle. Needless to say, I'm ready to go back to the older ones; have been for a couple of years now. This summer I interviewed for a high school counseling position and felt really good about the situation. I heard good things about my chances of actually getting the job. I never got the phone call, though. I wasn't devastated like I have been in times past when I didn't get the job I wanted. I love the people I work with and despite all my gripes, I love my boss. All things considered, I have a great job; I'm just ready for a change.

I said all that to explain why I haven't been very excited about this year. The Lord keeps reminding me that I'm right where I'm supposed to be for the time being. I have to rest in knowing that my God has a perfect plan for my life and right now, it happens to include being in the classroom, by myself, with about 18 five year olds, for 45 minutes a few times a week. I also know that He will give me the grace to endure.

My prayer for the year is that I will love my children well, be able to see their hidden needs and do what I am able to do to make them better, serve and love the people I work with, and be Jesus to those who may otherwise never see Him. Lord, keep reminding me that You, in Your sovereignty, kept me at PG for another year. Help me to rest in that. Enable me to love people and to let my light shine in such a way that they will see You, my Heavenly Father, and that You will be glorified!

Tomorrow is my friend/roommate's birthday...Happy Birthday Stephanie! I hope you have a great day!!!

I Can't Sleep

It's midnight and I have to be up in 6 hours. At the rate I'm going, I won't be getting much sleep tonight. I've gotten in bed twice now, only to get up and find something else to do. The first time, around 11:00 pm, I discovered that my toilet was clogged...GROSS! I tried to see if my friend, Cammie, might be awake so I could borrow her plunger, but she never responded to my text message. What choice did I have but to get in the car and drive up the road to the WalMart, to buy my very own plunger?!

The clog (GROSS) was easily dealt with (Shea, do you still have the auger?) so I decided it was time for bed, again. I began to pray and thoughts of Bob's sermon from this Sunday came flooding in. Bob preached on Daniel 3:1-30 and "American Idols." He included with our sermon outline, an excerpt from one of Tim Keller's books. Its purpose was/is to help you identify the idols in your own life. The directions were to circle any that we think apply to our lives. I'm glad I decided to forgo the circling; the page would have been one big mess of pen markings. Rarely (and sadly) do I ever really think about sermons (please don't tell Bob) but the Lord keeps bringing this one to mind and He keeps giving me real life examples to think and pray through.

As I was confessing my most prevalent idol (which today happens to be the idol of finding my worth and happiness in feeling important and needed), I was faced with the fact that I am one big idol factory. I began thinking about situations where I place things and people in positions of importance above God. As it turns out, this seems to be the norm in my life. Normally, this line of thinking would cause me to feel defeated and hopeless, but this time, my mind was lead in another direction. A familiar phrase of "cheer up" came to mind. "Cheer up, Julie, you are much worse than you will ever know, but Jesus stands before God on your behalf and because of His blood, it's as if you have done nothing wrong, and as if you have done everything right."

Tonight I did a little waltzing while trying to go to sleep. I don't feel defeated and hopeless. In fact, I actually feel that there is hope for me. I know I can't change my heart and stop manufacturing idols; only the Lord can do that. I pray that He will. 1,2,3...1,2,3.

If you want to hear Bob's sermon, you can follow the link below. Enjoy! And if you become overwhelmed at all the idols, run to the cross and dance!

American Idols - Season I

I'm going to try going to sleep again.

Trying To Be Profound

I've had visions of grandeur for this blog. I've actually put off starting it for fear that I wouldn't live up to my own expectations. I would love to be that person who is profound and eloquent when I speak (and write), but I'm afraid I'm a little more simple than that. Take coming up with a title for my blog for example. I asked my friend Whitney, who is so clever and funny, to help me. She's going to think about it and get back to me. The current name, A Fond Affection, is temporary and anyone who knows me well knows where it came from...it's not very profound. We'll see what we end up with. Now I'm wondering if I can go back and change the name.

I went on a mission trip to Uganda this summer for 2 weeks. I've been home almost a month and my life has been changed; at least I think/hope it has been. Since coming home, I really crave time in God's Word. That's new for me. I've been sad, broken, joyful, and content all at the same time and one right after another. It has been, and still is, an emotional roller coaster for me but I am honestly loving every minute of it. It's hard to explain.



A friend of mine asked me to give her an analogy for it. The only thing I could come up with is this: you know when you have a knot in your back and you have someone try to work it out? It can hurt so bad that you feel sick to your stomach, but at the same time, it really feels good. That's how I've felt since coming home from Uganda. It hurts (whatever "it" is) horribly at times but it is a sweet ache. The reason...God is doing a work in my heart unlike any He has ever done before, and I am so grateful. I'm learning how to waltz for the first time and while the sin sucks, my precious Savior is gentle to point me to His work on the cross.

"Our soul waits for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name. Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you." Ps. 33: 20